10 Things That'll Probably Happen

Predictions.

E3's actually quite predictable in a lot of ways you know. And not just in the sense that everything you saw last year will be back either in "a more advanced stage of development" or with a number 2 or 3 on the end. Or a 360. No. It's predictable in lots of other ways too. Here are some of them.

  1. Nintendo will claim victory in the first round of the handheld console 'war'. Sony will also claim victory in the first round of the handheld console 'war'. Microsoft will actually literally declare WAR on Sony and Nintendo.

  2. Nintendo will produce statistics demonstrating that GameCube is incredibly popular and that you bought one. Nobody will bother to report them.

  3. Nintendo's Reggie Fils-Aime will take some goddamn names. Everyone will bother to report that.

  4. In fact, there'll also be lots of talk about who's "number two" from both Nintendo and Microsoft, whereas we'll probably all conclude that they're both taking the number one instead.

  5. American journalists will shout like teenage girls at a Backstreet Boys concert whenever anyone says anything even remotely interesting anywhere.

  6. European journalists will look on disapprovingly and then write snotty comments about how it brings their journalistic integrity into question. Before rubbing their stomachs through their free T-shirts, adjusting the straps on their free bags and discussing where to quaff free beer that evening.

  7. Most net-based E3 coverage will allude to at least one of the following things: booth babes, the overpriced food, hangovers, the noise, the darkness, the lack of seats, that the show will probably be in Las Vegas next year. Probably all of them.

  8. Bill Gates will be visible on the show floor at least once. Aged 14 and three-quarters and clutching a bag of pamphlets about data recovery tools.

  9. Baywatch actress Angelica Bridges, on hand to promote Singles 2, will be jokingly asked out 487 times.

  10. Anyone who meets anyone at the show will initially ask what they think of the show so far. (Except for Tom, who's preferred opening gambit at E3 traditionally proceeds along these lines: "Oh. Kristan's over there.")

Comments (20)

Comments for this article are now closed, but please feel free to continue chatting on the forum!