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Don King Boxing Review

Wii Review by Christian Donlan

27 April, 2009

Page 2 of 2. <- Page 1

Whatever option you plump for - I opted for bouts of screaming followed by a smattering of bitter tears - a mere four minutes into the tutorial, even the most elegant and controlled of players may start to wonder if they'll ever get to see the rest of the campaign at all, or if they'll spend eternity struggling to chain together three simple straights, while their Wii registers hooks, dodges, uppercuts and a weird ghost attack where the boxer's arm passes spookily through his enemy's torso. As tutorials go, it does an admirable job of providing a guided tour of the game's many frustrations and limitations.

It's a pleasant surprise, then, to discover that the game waiting beyond the tutorial is dull rather than wretched. As expected, once mastering the moves is out of the way, you can largely forget about them, as Don King generally requires nothing more of you than a concentrated succession of grand mal seizures to work through its range of bouts. The fighting system itself has a hint of tactical grace to it, success theoretically lying with a balance of health versus stamina, softening opponents up with simple jabs before striking out with a super-powered special. The truth is, however, that by this point you're so depressingly aware of the game's inability to distinguish between anything but the most simple of attacks that there's very little sense in trying to plan your moves, and when the campaign ramps up its difficulty and demands specific patterns to beat later enemies, you know that it simply can't be trusted to play fair.

It's a shame, as the game's story mode isn't that bad: its tale of a journey from obscurity to stardom is traditional, yet strangely wholesome, and the sprinkling of famous talking heads that crop up along the way add a certain appeal for fans of the sport. And graphically, the game is better than you might be expecting, too: backgrounds are simple but often characterful, and the fighter models are fairly good, even if each boxer appears to be stuck with a single facial expression throughout the match, whether you're taking a pummelling from them or knocking them out of a nearby window (possibly, however, this is a subtle reference to the dangers of brain damage inherent in the sweet science).

'Don King Boxing' Screenshot 2

Say what you will about him, King's occasional interjections are by far the most entertaining and characterful part of the game.

Elsewhere there's a two-player option, training modes, which are suitably exhausting, and tacked-on support for the balance board - used for simple things like dodges - that never quite justifies the pain involved in taking it out of the cupboard, dusting it off, and finding four AA batteries.

None of these offerings will distract you from the realisation that 2K's game is a fairly slight work, and, despite King's winningly verbose interjections, its hip-hop soundbeds and clinical menus make it pretty characterless too. The sad truth is, if you already have a Wii, you've already got a better boxing title in the shape of Wii Sports - a game that not only allows you to pummel away at a cartoon representation of your sister, but also effortlessly possesses more charm, more wit, and - worryingly - a lot more precision than anything this can offer. Overall, Don King Boxing is one fight you might want to walk away from: not because it's dangerous, then, but because it's an irritating bore.

3/10

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Comments: 1-41 of 41 in total

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makeamazing
27/04/09 @ 05:56
#1
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2K what are you doing releasing this kind of pap!
TheBiGW
27/04/09 @ 06:10
#2
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Another terrible Wii game. What a surprise.
N@
27/04/09 @ 06:18
#3
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Don King is a c*nt.
sigmagoat
27/04/09 @ 06:30
#4
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Surprise!
Another shit game for what's got to be the worst console the world has ever seen.
Eraysor
27/04/09 @ 06:33
#5
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*tries to facepalm, but hits self in the gut due to imprecision*
ruttyboy
27/04/09 @ 06:39
#6
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I reckon Chuck Yeager has killed someone and he had games out yonks ago.
sadakos_fury
27/04/09 @ 06:49
#7
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What we really want is a game where you box against King himself. Each level is in a different setting with the Kingster in a different outfit. The final fight has him in an orange jumpsuit, locked up in pokey and hopped up on pruno http://www.blacktable.com/gillin030901.htm
Edited 1 times, most recently on 27/04/09 @ 07:50
Darren
27/04/09 @ 07:16
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Pah, we all knew this was going to be cack, right? After all the 360 version was pretty mediocre so the same game with worst controls was never going to be better unless you think standing up punching like a boxer with the controller is the thing that makes the game more fun.

And therein lies the problem with the Wii, that not every game works with its imprecise controller, particularly as the motion-sensors on the Nunchuk are a lot more primitive that the ones on the main Wii Remote. Far too many third-party games squander any potential it might have and it seems like only Nintendo know how to use it effectively. Trouble is Nintendo's games come once in a blue moon and they're not always good. Some are truly dire like Wii Music for example.

Thankfully, not all games on the Wii are cack (although it seems like 99% are!). Little King's Story and Excitebots look great, especially the latter, and I've added them to my Wanted list to pick up at some point once I've tired of the PC for games. That said, I still think the Wii is absolutely the worst console I've ever owned, simply because there's so few decent games on the platform compared with the other formats.
Methys
27/04/09 @ 07:30
#9
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A Wii typical game.

Great times to be a Wii-only owner
Oh-Bollox
27/04/09 @ 07:31
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I think you meant "A typical Wii game".

You mong.

Shit on 360, shit on Wii, what a shocker eh?
Edited 1 times, most recently on 27/04/09 @ 08:32
neilka
27/04/09 @ 07:40
#11
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Daley Thompson once killed an otter with a spade and I didn't see anyone complaining about his game.
DFawkes
27/04/09 @ 07:50
#12
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Not only a shit game, but one that couldn't be saved by being on another console. That's super shit, or shit squared if you will.
BartonFink
27/04/09 @ 07:54
#13
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More like Don Key Boxing.
Nikanoru
27/04/09 @ 07:56
#14
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Another shit Wii game. How surprising.

My Wii is collecting dust.

I've sold my Wii on Ebay.
Plewt
27/04/09 @ 07:59
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What's next, O.J. Simpson Football?

At least if you're gonna do a shovelware title don't have a crook as your cover name.
HuggyAtHome
27/04/09 @ 08:49
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@Nikanoru

How can it be gathering dust if you've sold it? Back under your bridge, idiot.

/hits ignore
JeroenZM
27/04/09 @ 09:06
#17
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Nikanoru merely listed all the cliches of people who don't care about the Wii yet feel inclined to comment on every related article.

See also:

-Kiddie console
-I've bought a 360/PS3 and a Wii and the former has by far more playtime
-Stuff about grandmas and toddlers
JahB
27/04/09 @ 09:08
#18
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I think you meant "A typical Wii game".

You mong.

Shit on 360, shit on Wii, what a shocker eh?


not exactly. it was mediocre on the 360, it took the the wii to make it shit.
GAmbrose
27/04/09 @ 09:24
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I'm not getting the Lesley Grantham's Super-Trick Snowboarding reference. Anyone care to elaborate?
rayk2099
27/04/09 @ 09:32
#20
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Great review :)
StringBeanJean
27/04/09 @ 09:32
#21
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Can I just congratumulate Mr Donlan on an excellent review. Well written and very amusing, and actually describes the game's shortcomings sensibly.

Sorry for boring post.
abigsmurf
27/04/09 @ 10:03
#22
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I would never buy something that would provide Don King with Royalties. The fact the games are tosh makes me happy.
Gnort
27/04/09 @ 11:01
#23
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The second paragraph of this review was a real winner, pretty much tells you all you need to know.
Meho
27/04/09 @ 11:06
#24
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Wasn't John Mullen, a star of the original Soldier of Fortune series an actual person who, you know, being a merc and all pretty much made his daily occupation killing people?

Other than that, a fun review of what looks like an atrocious game.

Also: my Wii is getting much more playtime than my 360 these days due to Blast Works and Gradius ReBirth and if stuff like Pikmin 2, FF Crystal Chronicles Echoes of Time and Little King Story is not enough to convince you otherwise then, yes, you should sell your Wii on eBay and get yourself a proper man's console.
Pac-man ate my wife
27/04/09 @ 12:08
#25
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Good work EG, another excellent tard-magnet that allows me to add to my ever expanding ignore list.

Seriously guys, all the 'Wii is shite' comments are just pointless now. Not only are they boring, they are just wrong. EG has given 7 games on the Wii 8/10 or higher since the start of the year for chrissakes!
skillian
27/04/09 @ 12:16
#26
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When's the Phil Spector music game coming?
JahB
27/04/09 @ 12:26
#27
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Seriously guys, all the 'Wii is shite' comments are just pointless now. Not only are they boring, they are just wrong. EG has given 7 games on the Wii 8/10 or higher since the start of the year for chrissakes!

doesn't change the fact that the console is bad. and if i remember correctly, wasn't one of these games Little King's Story? i can't think of the other 6 (was house of the dead overkill out this year?)

EDIT: i just checked that list. Let's Tap? Pikmin? might get high review scores, but - as with Little King's Story - unless your less than 10 years old, it's still useless
Edited 2 times, most recently on 27/04/09 @ 13:28
Pac-man ate my wife
27/04/09 @ 12:30
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@ JahB

What are you talking about? What do you mean by 'bad' because if you mean 'doesn't have any quality games' then you are wrong as there patently are.

And what's wrong with Little Kings Story? Not manly enough for you?


EDIT:
i just checked that list. Let's Tap? Pikmin? might get high review scores, but - as with Little King's Story - unless your less than 10 years old, it's still useless

Your are obviously somepme who thinks that all games must be fit into your narrow definition of what is 'acceptable' therefore there's no point talking to you, but (likewise) there's really no point you posting in these threads.
Edited 1 times, most recently on 27/04/09 @ 13:35
JahB
27/04/09 @ 12:47
#29
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@Pac-Man

i never said they weren't acceptable as games, just useless unless you're a kid. let me put it this way: i know quite a few gamers in my age bracket (25-30), a number of which own a wii, but none of them would ever purchase something like Pikmin or Let's Tap, simply because it's not made for them. It's designed, made and marketed for children.

but you have a valid point, so let me rephrase my original statement. the wii is a bad console for adults. there seem to be plenty of good games around if you're a kid.
Edited 2 times, most recently on 27/04/09 @ 13:49
Pac-man ate my wife
27/04/09 @ 13:05
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Have you ever played Pikmin? It's one of the best, most original games of all time.

Oh but you define games solely on their appearance rather than whether they are good games, am I right? How do you feel about games like Katamari? World Of Goo? LocoRoco?
JahB
27/04/09 @ 13:13
#31
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Yes I have, and if you really think that's one of the best games of all times, then we have a disagreement there.

I've enjoyed World of Goo, that was quite ok; Katamari was an interesting idea but got boring quickly, and I've never played LocoRoco.
darc
27/04/09 @ 15:24
#32
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"Characterful" is a strange word (or is it?) to see twice in one article.

And the Wii just sucks. I'm embarassed to have had such high hopes for it.
gingerlink
27/04/09 @ 15:28
#33
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@sigmagoat

I dunno, the CD-i was pretty bad...
Stompy
27/04/09 @ 17:04
#34
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"i never said they weren't acceptable as games, just useless unless you're a kid. let me put it this way: i know quite a few gamers in my age bracket (25-30), a number of which own a wii, but none of them would ever purchase something like Pikmin or Let's Tap, simply because it's not made for them. It's designed, made and marketed for children."

I know quite a lot of adults who don't hang about with black people, but their kids do at school.
Therefore black people are for children.



No, wait a second, that's what we invented the concept of 'prejudice' for.
FogHeart
27/04/09 @ 17:15
#35
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I love reading the comments in low-scoring Wii games. Sometime you look up someone's history, and find that every post they've ever made has been to slag off the Wii. Never say anything about another console, or any game they actually like, just five or so cynical words, then move on.

You think it's one of those mystical creatures who are employed by Sony or MS to spread a bit of FUD about the console? Hell, I don't think they're necessary around here.

Anyway, another "ignore".
smelly
27/04/09 @ 17:22
#36
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>Another shit game for what's got to be the worst console the world has ever seen.

This is on the wii, not the ps3!
smelly
27/04/09 @ 17:25
#37
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"i know quite a few gamers in my age bracket (25-30), a number of which own a wii, but none of them would ever purchase something like Pikmin or Let's Tap, simply because it's not made for them. It's designed, made and marketed for children. "


LMFAO!!!

You're not 25.. With a comment like that - I'd guess you werent even a teenage yet.. Because you still think a game needs to be grey and brown with lots of blood to be good.
Emilia'sHorse
27/04/09 @ 22:46
#38
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The problem is not the Wii, the problem is the game (Don King) is arse. On the 360 buyers mostly shunned it because it was mediocre at best, if the Wii buying public snap this up then more fool them. The Wii and DS charts are full of shovelware toss, even though both consoles have many superb titles. When games like Madworld fail to shift even average numbers, is it any wonder few companies bother to make quality Nintendo product?

Thank god however for the few that do.
gudnikristinn
27/04/09 @ 23:30
#39
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Don King on the 360 was the worst boxing game in the history of boxing games so this is an improvement on the name.
Garulon
28/04/09 @ 16:07
#40
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"but you have a valid point, so let me rephrase my original statement. the wii is a bad console for adults. there seem to be plenty of good games around if you're a kid. "

When I was a kid I'd amuse myself for hours with an empty box or some old radio parts picked up from the local tip.

Kids are stupid.
konnsky
29/04/09 @ 22:41
#41
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Should have had Ellie to review this...

Comments: 1-41 of 41 in total

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