Try not to get too cross, but this roundup also includes MMORPGs - there aren't enough of them to merit doing a separate article. If you feel that strongly about it why not say so in the comments or write to your MP.
Speaking of MMORPGs, there's Age of Conan and Warhammer Online to look forward to this year. Xbox 360 owners will get Too Human, Lost Odyssey and Fable 2 exclusively, while cross-platform titles will include Fallout 3 and Rise of the Argonauts. Square Enix will be cranking up the Final Fantasy and Dragon Quest machines again too.
There's a lot to be getting on with, in other words, so without further ado...
The original Okami, a PS2 exclusive, was a hit with Kristan. He slapped a big fat ten on the end of his review, highlighting the "wonderfully original combat" and "the most adorable art style ever seen as a videogame". Okami, he reckoned, was "not just one of the most consistently engaging action adventures we've played, but one that feels utterly unique in many ways that matter".
It was also a big hit with the rest of the Internet - to such an extent that Capcom listened to demand and agreed to produce a Wii version. There's not too much longer to wait now with the game due to arrive on 25th March.
For those who aren't familiar, Okami tells the story of a mythical sun god who sets out to battle evil by commanding the elements. The game is inspired by Japanese folklore and calligraphy. In the Wii version, you'll wave the remote about like a paintbrush to defeat enemies and solve puzzles.
Clover Studio has been disbanded since the original Okami. The port is being handled by Ready at Dawn, the studio founded by former Naughty Dog employees a few years ago. They did the excellent Daxter, so hopes are high for this one.
Seeing is believing: It's hard to describe Okami, so why not take a look for yourself - a video of the PS2 version is now showing on Eurogamer TV.
This PC, PS3 and Xbox 360 title is being developed by the makers of Oblivion and is set in a post-nuclear world. So you'll be punching more radioactive mutants and fewer rats.
In fact, Fallout 3 is "a very different game" to Oblivion, according to Bethesda's Peter Hines. "It's EXP based, not skill based, it's post-nuclear not fantasy, it's guns not swords," he told us last year.
Other features will include the option to choose a first- or third-person perspective and "unlimited" customer characterisation. There are moral choices to make as you progress. An assisted targeting system, tip-top AI and pretty pictures are promised, and Qui-Gon Jinn has signed up to star.
"So far it's looking true to its origins, while appropriately forward-facing," John wrote last July. "It's clear [Bethesda loves] Fallout. In a year's time, we think we're going to be joining them." That'd be less than a year by today's reckoning, as Fallout 3 is due to arrive this autumn.
Protect and survive: If you grew up in the eighties, you'll remember what it was like to grow up under the permanent threat of nuclear holocaust. And you'll remember the Government information films which suggested the damaging effects of nuclear bombs could be reduced by drawing your curtains and lying down. Worth a try eh, Thatch, can we have our milk back my name's Ben Elton etc.
Dragon Quest Swords: The Masked Queen and the Tower of Mirrors
Dragon Quest Swords: Etc. is an on-rails RPG with a first-person perspective. The story revolves around a 16-year-old boy who must complete a trial of strength to earn the title of warrior and respect of girls. Attacking, parrying and blocking is done by swinging the Wii remote about like a sword.
Series creator Yuji Hori is in charge once again, while manga artist Akira Toriyama and composer Koichi Sugiyama have also contributed. Apparently the "international version" of DQS features "revised gameplay, offering a more intense and challenging experience".
Simon got to play the game last May and described the experience as "mostly fun, if shallow". He also warned, "Whether Swords is able to evangelise the series further afield to Western players (most of whom do not have any benign nostalgia toward the series) seems perhaps unlikely." Oh. We'll see if he's right when the game is released this spring.
Dragon Quest Monsters: Joker
Dragon Quest Monsters: Joker is a DS spin-off of the popular series you just read about, and it's like Pokémon.
There are around 200 monsters to collect, and you can mix and match them to create new breeds. The idea is that you build up a squad of critters and build up their skills by fighting. You can take on other players wirelessly, and compete in the online Wildcard World Cup via Wi-Fi Connection.
There's a trio of trailers over on Eurogamer TV, if you can stand the shouting. Dragon Quest Monsters: Joker is out on 14th March.
Ow my eyes: Perhaps DQM will get its own homosexual fan fiction, just like Pokémon. Yes, really. (NSFW, especially if you read/act it out.)
This is the second Xbox 360 title from Mistwalker, the studio founded by Final Fantasy man Hironobu Sakaguchi. We like to imagine he was invited to stand in a glass dome while Microsoft threw money at him like in The Crystal Maze. But his first effort, Blue Dragon, didn't live up to expectations - probably not Microsoft's and certainly not Rob's. "It's by no means terrible, but without borrowing Sakaguchi's rose-tinted glasses it's not much fun either," he wrote.
So how's Lost Odyssey looking? Well, it follows the adventures of a 1000-year-old amnesiac called Kaim. He has a big sword and complicated trousers and hair like someone we went out with in 1995. Kaim is accompanied by a blue-haired girl called Seth. Apparently he spends much of his time going into reveries about the past, which suggests the game will be a like some kind of fantasy-themed Wonder Years.
Award-winning novelist Kiyoshi Shigematsu is lending a hand with the story, while comic book artist Takehiko Inoue has done some nice drawings and Nobuo Uematsu is banging out tunes on his Bontempi. The game is being developed using Unreal Engine 3.
Lost Odyssey is already out in Japan and hasn't done too badly, scoring 33 out of 40 in Famitsu magazine. It'll be released over here on 29th February.
Star quality: The voice of Kaim in the Western version of Lost Odyssey will be provided by Keith Ferguson. He also played Basch in Final Fantasy XII. Speaking of which, the Internet is surprisingingly lacking in erotic fan fiction about the rabbit woman.
Rise of the Argonauts
New from Codemasters comes an action RPG featuring Jason and his magic fleece and a better frame rate than the Harryhausen film. Playing as the king of Iolchis himself you get to fight alongside great heroes of mythology such as Atalanta, Achilles and Hercules (not played by Sorbo, sadly).
As lead designer Charley Price told us last year, Rise of the Argonauts is all about storyline, character development and decision-making. There's not too much menu fiddling and inventory management, basically.
We're also promised "real-time, lethal combat unlike any you've ever seen in an RPG". No more stabbing enemies 20 times before they fall over; stick a sword through someone's heart and the consequences will be as immediate as you'd expect in real life. Or Lewisham.
Rise of the Argonauts is out later this year on PC, PS3 and Xbox 360.
Herculean: Kevin Sorbo says if he could choose a superpower it would be: "The ability to kill every terrorist on the planet."
Yes, it's the latest offering from Sir Peter of Molyneux, or Pierre Molynoire as he is known in France. Fable 2 is an Xbox 360 exclusive and is out towards the end of this year, as the man himself told us during a recent LiveText interview.
So what else is there to know? Fable 2 is set 500 years after the first game. You'll have many more decisions to make, choosing whether to be a man or a woman, whether to get married and start a family or stay single and start drinking at four and play online poker till dawn.
There's a new combat system designed to reward you for mastering weapons, and you can use objects and the environment around you to defeat enemies. Also you can have a dog. See for yourself how the game is shaping up by checking out the dev diaries on the Fable 2 gamepage.
Quote me happy: Pierre Molynoire has come out with some classic sound-bites in his time, but Eurogamer's favourite is this gem from April 2005. Talking about the mysterious Dmitri project Molynoire explained, "It allows anyone who plays the game to relive their life, their entire individual life." Wheee! " That's a pretty ambitious concept," he added. Ah Pierre. Qui a laisse sortir les chiens.
When US developer Silicon Knights isn't busy shouting "See you in court!" at Mark Rein, it enjoys developing action-RPGs exclusively for Xbox 360. This one sees you playing as Baldur, a cybernetic god who must defend humanity against an army of war machines.
There's lots of loot-collecting and levelling up and a wide range of weapons, armour and skill-sets. Baldur can also make use of cybernetic implants and we're promised "an unprecedented level" of character customisation. The combat system is said to "introduce a combination of weapons combat on a level that exceeds some fighting games", which sounds marvellous. For a bonus point: you can play the entire single-player game co-operatively over Xbox Live.
When we spoke to Silicon Knights boss Dennis Dyack in August last year, he said Too Human would be out in the first quarter of 2008. No word since but it is only the first third of the first quarter. Or something.
How many times: The press release for Too Human says it's the "first chapter of an exciting narrative in the tradition of classic trilogies such as Star Wars and Lord of the Rings". For the last time, there is only one trilogy. Lord of the Rings is a story about some fairies. Star Wars is an epic dramatisation of actual historical events DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THERE'S A WAR GOING ON UP THERE.
Final Fantasy I & II
Both of these PSP remakes are out on 8th February. The original games have been "completely remastered" for Sony's handheld, so expect redesigned visuals, an updated camera view and 16:9 aspect ratio. There's also a brand new dungeon called the Labyrinth of Time.
As crumbly old fans of the series will recall, the first FF game sees four brave adventures embarking on a quest to save the world by healing a rift in the structure of time. In the second, four brave adventurers embark on a quest to save the world by defeating an evil emperor. Absolutely no idea what the third game's like.
RPGs and cybersex don't mix: Evidence. Good effort though, bloodninja.
Crisis Core - Final Fantasy VII
Following I & II in "spring" will be Crisis Core, also for PSP. It's the prequel to the 1997 PSone hit and follows the adventures of a man called Zak. You'll learn about the secrets behind Shinra and the company's plans to pull in profits at any cost, like when Rupert makes us steam the stamps off envelopes and use teabags twice.
There are two battle systems, one action- and one menu-based. This, as game director Hajime Tabate explained last year, is designed to ensure Crisis Core appeals to both hardcore and casual players.
"We're so confident that the game will be easy to pick up that we haven't included a tutorial level," he said. "We've found that casual players seem to use just one type of move while hardcore players string together complex combinations."
Our previewer certainly liked what he saw of the game's visuals and storyline, describing Crisis Core as "technically brilliant and thematically interesting". He wasn't as convinced by the combat, but best wait for the full review.
Did you know: The best-selling instalment in the FF series is Final Fantasy VII, with 9.8 million copies sold worldwide. It's the second best-selling game on PSone after Gran Turismo. These and many other amazing facts can be found in the Guinness World Records - Gamer's Edition, a superb new book out on 8th February. It really is brilliant and any occurrence of my name or face in it is pure coincidence.
Age of Conan
And now to the first of 2008's most promising MMORPGs. The PC version of Age of Conan just been delayed so Funcom can add polish. It's now out on 20th May, by which time you should be able to see your face in it, with the Xbox 360 game "to follow".
Apparently the game will let you explore a "barbaric, lush, mature and sinful universe" complete with "cruel gods, mythical creatures, lost civilisations" and "7.1 surround audio". There's a host of locations to explore, from dark dungeons and deep jungles to vast valleys and disused leisure centres. A branching storyline is promised along with PvP and PvE, extensive guild features, player-created cities, loads of customisation options and catapults.
"The story and the quests, they have a much more mature theme than you're probably used to in most MMOs, or other types of game for that matter," associate producer Ole Herbjornsen told us. "The locations and the art direction also lend themselves to a more realistic perspective - more gritty, more sinister."
Or as Rob said: "It may be pumped full of human growth hormone, dripping with testosterone and threatening to descend to Gears of War levels of overt homoeroticism at any moment, but Age of Conan is much more than just a buff body."
Hit and myth: Apparently He-man did not start out life as a movie tie-in toy for Conan, as has been rumoured. This is not interesting but it is a good excuse to indulge in some nostalgia. And for our Spanish viewers: Por el poder de Greyskull!
Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning
Not for the children of The Future hours spent poking tiny paintbrushes at poorly moulded pieces of metal. The Warhammer series is going not only computerised but onlinified with PC MMORPG Age of Reckoning.
The game was delayed last year, and will now be out some time between April and June. Following beta feedback it will feature extra careers, cities and community options. Developer EA Mythic also plans to spend the extra time polishing the game's star attraction - Realm versus Realm combat. It's like PvP, but on a much bigger scale.
Warhammer Online should also be a bit of a laugh, if comments from executive producer Jeff Hickman are anything to go by. "MMOs take themselves too seriously," he reckons. "They try to make a world, instead of a game. They try to cure cancer, instead of causing laughter."
The question is whether Warhammer will be a World of Warcraft beater. Or is it. "Who cares?" wrote John. "Will it offer something significantly different to WOW? From what we've seen and played, yes, absolutely."
Record breaker: Warhammer: Shadow of the Horned Rat was the first ever 3D strategy game according to the Guinness World Records - Gamer's Edition, which coincidentally is out on 8th February and brilliant. They don't have any Guinness in their office, by the way, but they do have the world's smallest chess set.
Another PC exclusive, this time from NCsoft. It's all about the battle between angels (The Chosen) and demons (The Fallen), plus NPC faction the dragons (The Dragons). You can do flying, is the point.
Rob went all the way to South Korea to see the game last February. According to him, "Far from being simply a gimmick that makes travelling around more interesting for players, the ability to fly is a core part of Aion's gameplay."
You can take part in dogfights as well as battles on the ground, and the game will feature PvPvE - described by NCsoft as "an evolving conflict system that manages the complex relationships and alliances between realms, races and guilds, and also controls The Dragons, who are the common enemy of all players". Righto.
Aion is due out in the third quarter of this year.
Looking good: NCsoft claims Aion is "The most amazingly beautiful and detailed MMORPG ever." Judge for yourself by looking at the screenshots and video over on the gamepage.
So those are the best-looking RPGs lined up for 2008, with the possible exception of Eternal Sonata for PS3. Plus who knows what else will be revealed - Square Enix has already told us they'll be "announcing more titles for summer onwards" in the next few months. All right, so the chance of that including Final Fantasy XIII is slimmer than an Olsen twin, but still. Then there's the deal NCsoft signed with Sony to bring RPGs to PS3. Anyway. Coming next: our strategy and simulation roundup.