Celebrity Chef Showdown: Gordon vs. Jamie Review

By Ellie Gibson Published 26 November, 2008

They review each other's DS games. Sort of.

Version tested: DS

There just aren't enough cooking games these days. Yes, all right, there's Cooking Mama, Cake Mania, Cooking Guide, Happy Cooking, Grand Theft Cooking, Gears of Cooking, Call of Duty: World of Cooking, Strictly Come Cooking, Dude Where's My Cooking, Help I Can't Stop Cooking and Rococo McSpuffers' Easter Cake Meltdown. And yet, here come two more. Both are for DS, both feature celebrity chefs and neither are as appalling as you might imagine.

First up is Hell's Kitchen: The Game. It's based on the US version of the TV show, and so features angry straw-haired swearing celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay instead of angry mop-haired swearing celebrity chef Marco Pierre-White. It includes an actual game which is quite good, and a tacked-on recipe book feature which isn't.

Then there's What's Cooking? with Jamie Oliver, featuring the straw-haired swearing celebrity chef who only gets angry when the Government refuses to ban chips. It includes a recipe book feature which is quite good, and a tacked-on game which isn't.

We thought it might be fun to let Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsay review each other's games. Then we thought about how logistically and financially unfeasible it would be for such a scenario to ever actually occur. So, throwing caution and fear of litigation to the wind, we decided to imagine what Jamie and Gordon MIGHT say about each other's games, in a FICTIONAL context, JUST FOR FUN. Let's begin.

Hell's Kitchen with Gordon Ramsay

  • As (not actually) reviewed by Jamie Oliver

Lawksamercy, guv'nors! I tell you what, it would be dead easy to write down the recipe for this videogame and no mistake. Just take a big dollop of Diner Dash and a splash of Cake Mania and give 'em a good stir. If you don't have any bold, colourful visuals in the fridge, don't worry - just use brown instead. Throw in some Hell's Kitchen branding, Gordon Ramsay's poorly digitised voice and an animation that makes him look like a talking pig, and there you have it. Lovely jubbly!

The gameplay's easy to pick up but trickier to master, a bit like those pisspoor Tefal pans I put my name to that are always tipping over because the handles are too heavy. You're in charge of a busy restaurant, which involves seating people at tables, taking their orders, serving their meals and clearing the plates away. You have to do all that without your customers getting impatient and doing a page-three stunner!

'Celebrity Chef Showdown: Gordon vs. Jamie' Screenshot 1

There's no actual swearing, of course - got to think of the ****ing kiddies.

You also have to cook all the food. This is dead easy, as I keep trying to tell people from Rotherham who would rather just eat kebabs and Space Raiders for breakfast. You touch the colour-coded empty bowls with the stylus to prepare ingredients, then whack them in the pans to cook. The trick is to get the cooking times and colour orders right so all the dishes are ready to serve at the same time. Pukka, etc.

Both the kitchen and the dining room are on the bottom screen, and you use the left shoulder button to switch between them. Gordon appears on the top screen, all shouty and arms-foldy like on the telly. If you're doing all right he'll say things like, "Finally, I've tasted something I like." If it all goes up the spout he'll start letting the asterisks fly - "What the **** do you think you're ****ing playing at," that sort of thing - and bish bash bosh, it's game over.

Chances are you'll want to give it another go, as this game is well addictive. Just ask my wife Jools; like all women she loves a bit of Diner Dash, and she reckons this is the same sort of thing. I had a go of the Diner Dash PC demo, and a read of the review of the DS version, and she's not wrong.

The difference, though, is that the graphics in Hell's Kitchen are proper shonky. Everything in the dining room is either blue or brown and teeny-tiny. It's hard to tell the difference between the types of customer at first glance, or what kind of a two-and-eight the tables are in. The whole thing looks like it's been drawn by one of them people who usually sits on a pier painting people's names on grains of rice.

'Celebrity Chef Showdown: Gordon vs. Jamie' Screenshot 2

This is from the PC version, but you get the idea.

At least the kitchen bit looks all right, and there's an Arcade mode where you don't have to worry about the dining room at all. If you want to unlock everything in the recipe book though, you will have to complete the Career mode, which means managing both. There are 35 recipes in total, and most are a bit posher than them ones what is in my game. There's no shopping list, recipe search, step-by-step option or nuffink like that. So basically you've got an interactive recipe book with no interactive features, and less recipes than a proper recipe book. Good one, Gordon.

At least the game bit's quite good fun. The visuals are too small and too brown, but the gameplay's still classic; it's a bit like playing chess with pieces made of rat plops. It may be unoriginal but it's still addictive, and before long you too will be spending hours serving pixel-sized sandwiches to characters the size of ant babies. As my wife Jools says, it certainly passes the time while your husband is out telling poor people what carrots look like.

6/10

What's Cooking? With Jamie Oliver

Jamie Oliver can **** off. I didn't mind him so much back in the nineties, when all he did was ponce about saying "wicked" while cooking tofu burgers for Jamiroquai. Now he can't stop swearing all over the television for no good ****ing reason, which everyone knows is my job, yes? And he's going round telling people to eat more cabbage and bananas, when I'm trying to get them to eat more veal and horses.

Now he's even done a ****ing videogame, just like me. I suppose he thinks he's ****ing clever, putting 100 recipes in his - that's nearly three times the number in Hell's Kitchen. What's more, they're properly interactive. Jamie takes you through each recipe step-by-step, and so you don't get **** all over the DS you can progress through them by saying "next" into the microphone. However, saying "Hurry the **** up, what's your ****ing problem you stupid ****ing ****," doesn't work, so two points off for that.

I have to admit there's an excellent range of recipes to choose from, and most of them aren't ****. They're also pretty easy to follow, though it would have been good to have some instructional videos like in Cooking Guide: Can't Decide What to Eat. Come on Jamie, if Nintendo can manage it I'm sure it wouldn't ****ing kill you, yes? At least it's Jamie's actual voice talking you through the recipes - though it appears to have been digitised by the people who worked on my game, using the same cheese-grater-and-bucket-of-gravel technique. ****s.

There's an extensive selection of filters to help you choose recipes. You can search by ingredients, prep time, meal type and all of that *******s. You can add ingredients to a digital shopping list, if you're the type of person who doesn't feel like a **** walking round Sainsbury's holding a ****ing videogames machine. It's probably fine if you're the type of person who doesn't feel like a **** walking round Sainsbury's followed by a ****ing video camera, saying things like, "Why not try putting some jam on some bread?" in exchange for 90 million pounds a day. Yes? ****.

'Celebrity Chef Showdown: Gordon vs. Jamie' Screenshot 3

At least he got rid of that stupid ****ing scooter.

Anyway, the recipe book bit in What's Cooking? is good, I suppose. The game bit, however, is ****ing ****. There are three modes to choose from, and they all involve ****ing about in your virtual kitchen. Here you'll find ingredients, utensils, serving dishes, saucepans and all the usual old ****, along with a working sink, stove and oven.

In Test Kitchen mode, there are lessons to teach you about cooking virtual food; how to wash, chop, boil, bake, plate up and all that *******s. These are overly-complicated and tedious, and there's no points, reward or penalty system. Let's say you decide to ignore Jamie's instructions for making pancakes completely, and instead whisk the prawns up with some orange juice and serve on a bed of Marmite. Jamie will still announce you've done a "Great job!" instead of calling you a stupid ****ing **** like a proper chef, yes?

The Get Stuck In mode lets you play around with the ingredients and equipment so you can try out your own recipes. You can't taste the finished results though, obviously, so there's no ****ing point.

The most game-like mode is Time Attack, where you have to complete specific challenges such as "Fry an egg in one minute". Sounds easy but there are usually a ridiculous amount of steps to go through, and no hints as to what they all are. So if you don't realise you need the spatula instead of the wooden spoon, yes, you're ****ed. I couldn't even work out how to fry a ****ing egg, to be honest, and I've got 13 Michelin ****ing stars.

Basically What's Cooking? With Jamie ****ing Oliver is great if you're after an interactive cookbook. There's an extensive selection of excellent recipes, the instructions are easy to follow, the step-by-step system works well and the shopping list feature is useful. If you're after an actual ****ing game, though, **** this ****. Jamie should have put his *******s on and ripped off an existing classic, like me. Stupid ****ing ****-faced ***** **** ***** ********* *** ** ***** ****. Yes?

7/10

Read the Eurogamer.net scoring policy
Picture of Ellie.

About Ellie Gibson

Since joining Eurogamer in the mid 2000s, Ellie has written about subjects as diverse as the fall of Gizmondo, the rise of Hollyoaks actresses in Red Alert games and the noise a bear makes under NSFW circumstances.

Read more articles from Ellie by visiting the Ellie Gibson archive page.

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Comments (77) Latest comment 3 years ago

Comments threads automatically close after 30 days, but please feel free to continue chatting on the forum!

  • Les #1 3 years ago

    I don't give a fuck for either game.

  • Eraysor #2 3 years ago

    ************************************************************ ********************************************ing hell!

  • Xerx3s #3 3 years ago

    Oh god, does that bastard take up 20% of the screen during the entire game? WTF?

  • Les #4 3 years ago

    And I fucking hate reviews that try to be fucking funny. I just want fucking information as fucking condensed as fucking possible. Unfortunately that's probably a fucking minority opinion...

  • LHH #5 3 years ago

    Grand Theft Cooking, Gears of Cooking, Call of Duty: World of Cooking, Strictly Come Cooking, Dude Where's My Cooking, Help I Can't Stop Cooking and Rococo McSpuffers' Easter Cake Meltdown.

    LOL good stuff. :)

  • jamespo #6 3 years ago

    Looking forward to the follow up, Gordon Ramsey's Celebrity Sausage Hiding

  • SuperBas #7 3 years ago

    Nice review. Informative, but still fun! Keep up the good work ms Gibson.

  • LHH #8 3 years ago

    Hey Les, you want hard infomation, fuck off to a statistics site you miserable cunt.

  • neilka #9 3 years ago

    ROCOCO LIVES

  • Eighthours #10 3 years ago

    Stupid ****ing ****-faced ***** **** ***** ********* *** ** ***** ****. Yes?

    It's the "yes" that makes it gold. :)

  • EzyRyder #11 3 years ago

    So

    Jamie > Gordon!

  • Les #12 3 years ago

    "Hey Les, you want hard infomation, fuck off to a statistics site you miserable cunt."

    Who says I don't visit those as well?

    It's part of my futile quest for mass adoption of video games to raise the standards of video game journalism. Reviewers in grown up media don't try to be more entertaining than the medium they are covering.

  • Dizzy #13 3 years ago

    ROFL.. great ******* stuff.

  • LHH #14 3 years ago

    But then all games publications will start to sound like Edge magazine. It happened to Games TM, it used to be an amusing read but is now a pretentious piece of "take me seriously" media.

    A bit of fun isn't all that bad here and there.
    Edited by 1 at 26/11/08 @ 11:48

  • Johnson #15 3 years ago

    Someone watched Outnumbered the other night.

  • MENTAL1ST Verified Senior Software Engineer, Picsel UK Ltd. #16 3 years ago

    Reviewers in grown up media don't try to be more entertaining than the medium they are covering

    What about cars? Even Fifth Gear tries to make that fun.

  • UncleLou #17 3 years ago

    And I fucking hate reviews that try to be fucking funny. I just want fucking information as fucking condensed as fucking possible. Unfortunately that's probably a fucking minority opinion...


    That's like someone playing a JRPG complaining that he hates them, and would rather play an FPS. What keeps you? Or should all review sites be exactly the same?

    Never understand these comments.

  • Pac #18 3 years ago

    @Bill Door

    +1

    Great review.

    Would it be deemed offensive to buy a game like this for my wife.

    Could backfire and mean I have to do all the cooking.
    Edited by 1 at 26/11/08 @ 11:53

  • seasidebaz #19 3 years ago

    Damn, I though Jamie Oliver's game was going to be a Rotherham simulator.

    Like Sim City, but with more chavs.





    So just like Urbz.

  • sneetch #20 3 years ago

    @Bill Door
    "Any truth in the rumour Gordon's put his name to a stealth action game, in which you have to creep around behind your wifes back for 7 years nobbing some lass that Jeffery Archers had a go with?"

    Yes, I believe Jeffrey Archer is "writing" it: it's going to take over from Tom Clancy as best franchise with non-participating author name tagged onto it.

    @Les

    Thank the gods you're here to raise the standards of video game journalism i.e. make it the same as other forms. After all, what the world really needs is more bland.

  • mingster #21 3 years ago

    Les your a complete twot.

    Can you really imagine many EG readers wanting these games?

    Therefore the reviews are supposed to be funny to mask the fact the games are probably boring and irrelevant to the intended EG masses.

    You have obviously had a humour bypass.

    Anyway Ellie fukin hilarious review nice one...

    Page 3 stunner and space raiders ftw!

  • LetsGo #22 3 years ago

    Shouldnt the Jamie Oliver game be against the Nintendo food game? I thought Gordons game was more of a 'game' than a recipe book?

  • FWB #23 3 years ago

    Both a bunch/clutch/murder/pack of dicks.

  • AusFreelancer #24 3 years ago

    Ellie gets my vote for "review of the year"............"F@CKING BRILLIANT!"

  • FWB #25 3 years ago

    Do Jamie's paid friends come with his game?

  • Eurolamer #26 3 years ago

    Tarted up cake mania,

    re-heat,

    sprinkling of Diner Dash,

    blend,

    budget half-arsed digitized image and graphics,

    bake for 20 mins,


    Another instantly forgettable, celebrity-endorsed DS title... DONE
    Edited by 1 at 26/11/08 @ 12:18

  • coojam #27 3 years ago

    The joke with using popular computer games names and replacing them with other words ala Gears of Cooking was so funny, it was worth using twice eh Ellie?

    I watched you die in Mirror's Edge at the Expo!

  • Lexx87 #28 3 years ago

    Yeah Ellie come on it was funny at the Expo but you can't keep making the same joke :p

  • superted #29 3 years ago

    another review ruined by a total load of total crap from you again

    i come to eurogamer because it seems to be aimed at an older generation of gamer and the reviews usually are very well written

    it's ones like that dreadful Eden review and this one which totally put me off returning





  • DugBriderider #30 3 years ago

    Good work Ellie, as a rule if you can't take a game seriously, then don't.

  • spookyzombie #31 3 years ago

    Does Hell's Kitchen come with a mistress section?

  • CHAZBIGPOTATO #32 3 years ago

    Ellie is consistently the funniest writer on this site.

    Les, **** off, ****!

    Superted don't let the virtual door hit your virtual ass on the way out
    Edited by 1 at 26/11/08 @ 12:44

  • Genji #33 3 years ago

    You know what should be a DS cooking game?

    Iron Chef. I'd buy that.

  • Carpathian #34 3 years ago

    A funny review that quietly packs relevant info and STILL a couple of folks whinge that it isn't to their liking because it's not like other sites and/or what they prefer. I've no idea what Ellie, or this site in general, has to do if they want to have a bit of fun with the job from time to time.

    Keep up the good work, Ellie - some of us here appreciate a bit of variety in our EG reading.

  • Madafunkola #35 3 years ago

    @ Les
    "Reviewers in grown up media don't try to be more entertaining than the medium they are covering."
    Charlie Brooker springs to mind... read papers much?

  • seasidebaz #36 3 years ago

    Better than Banjolol

  • Genji #37 3 years ago

    Oh, and since everyone else seems to be doing it...

    WHY DON'T YOU GO OFF AND DIE VERY HORRIBLY, LES

  • siksik6 #38 3 years ago

    Made I laff, and that's enough for me :)

  • Byzanite #39 3 years ago

    scary!

  • Rizzle #40 3 years ago

    Yes.

  • Krelle #41 3 years ago

    Who the fock is Les? I must have already Ignored him.
    You all give him way too much credit. Just ignore the shit out of people instead. No?

  • Genji #42 3 years ago

    No! He must not be ignored! He must be browbeaten into submission!

  • Stoatboy #43 3 years ago

    Top notch review. Please ignore the joyless twats and keep up the good work.

  • mingster #44 3 years ago

    Yeah and Superted you nonce if you really want to read a serious review of some Jamie Oliver cooking game then i pity you.

  • chrisjm #45 3 years ago

    is there a recipe for turkey twizzlers?

  • uiruki #46 3 years ago

    superted:

    "i come to eurogamer because it seems to be aimed at an older generation of gamer"

    Obviously not the older generation of gamer who remembers the great concept reviews in 1990s videogame mags, then?

  • miiiguel #47 3 years ago

    Oh my... while I'm not really into the Les atitude (some sort of extreme-left, I'm always right, fight the power, hate the general populace... way), I actually feel bad for him. He will never know it because he has me on ignore. Then again I'm way too soft hearted...

  • Landmaster #48 3 years ago

    Both better than Banjo-Kazooie then?

  • dacicus #49 3 years ago

    Loved the review. Now THAT was some old school reviewing. Thanks for the smiles...

  • oupe #50 3 years ago

    another review ruined by a total load of total crap from you again

    i come to eurogamer because it seems to be aimed at an older generation of gamer and the reviews usually are very well written

    I can remember a review in AmigaFormat in which some soccer game was compared to:
    - famine
    - cancer
    - war
    - etcetera.

    The game was worse than any of these things. It's the only Amiga review i have ever remembered. Well funny, like this.

  • schnide #51 3 years ago

    I originally intended to come on here and say that this is one of the best reviews I've ever read - thoroughly entertaining.

    And then quickly trailing through the comments, I realised the review was written by a girl, and that simply stating how good it was may make me look like the legions of men who cream themselves every time they see a woman online.

    Can we get beyond this now lads? assisass.com should sort you out if not.

  • Stoatboy #52 3 years ago

    @oef!: Rev Stu's International Rugby review.

    A classic: http://amr.abime.net/ review_932

  • Seno #53 3 years ago

    Well the whinging twats can piss off, it was great review, reminds me of mean machines sega.
    Edited by 1 at 26/11/08 @ 14:22

  • FreakyZoid #54 3 years ago

    So, the one that has the better game in it gets the lower score from a game review site?

  • levitate #55 3 years ago

    I'll pass this crap. My wife does the cooking and she doesn't need a computer game.

  • JYM60 #56 3 years ago

    The pics you show don't exactly show much.

  • DaisyD #57 3 years ago

    Funny - I didn't even think of Jamie's one as a game, more as a cookbook similar to Cooking Guide. Cooking Guide, btw, is awesome to cook with and El_MUERkO likes everything I've cooked off it so far. I'll probably do away with my cookbooks and get the Jamie one for xmas ready for when I emigrate.

    BTW - Les you're an idiot. Fuck off.

  • mikew1985 #58 3 years ago

    @ Genji

    "You know what should be a DS cooking game?

    Iron Chef. I'd buy that. "

    Ha weird you should mention this because, I'm pretty sure there is one, i saw it advertised in the middle of a Southpark episode on Southparkstudios. I thought it looked absolutely mental.

  • local_celebrity #59 3 years ago

    Nice conceit, wonderfully written, but way too long. Jokes like this tend to wear very thin, very quickly. (Just watch Bremner, Bird and Fortune for five minutes, if you don't believe me.)

    Still, an inspired effort.

  • Les #60 3 years ago

    "That's like someone playing a JRPG complaining that he hates them, and would rather play an FPS. What keeps you? Or should all review sites be exactly the same?"

    My point is that I read these kind of self-indulgent reviews on each and every site.

  • Les #61 3 years ago

    "Charlie Brooker springs to mind... read papers much?"

    Not UK ones as I'm not a UK resident. Here on the continent all media are serious and boring like they should be. :p

  • Les #62 3 years ago

    "BTW - Les you're an idiot. Fuck off."

    Well at least I was insightful enough to predict that the average 13 year old that visits these forums wouldn't agree with my POV... :p

  • RM2KMaster #63 3 years ago

    Well.
    That wasn't funny at all.

  • Les #64 3 years ago

    "It happened to Games TM, it used to be an amusing read but is now a pretentious piece of "take me seriously" media."

    I don't want my video games magazines to be amusing in the 'look-how-funny-we-are' kind of way. If I want to read comedy I'll pick up a book from Pratchett or Adams.

    Games TM is terrible as far as magazines in general go but much better than the average video game mag IMO. I prefer it over Edge because of the Retro section. But I feel games deserve something much more professional. Maybe it's the relative youth of the industry that makes it hard to be passionate about it without sounding either like a 13-year old fanboy or a pretentious geek.

  • Bangaioh #65 3 years ago

    I don't give a fuck about both games but funny review :D

  • gribb #66 3 years ago

    Best...review...ever! Made my otherwise brown and grey a shining gold and red. Thats better isn't it my lovelys!

  • Grayvern #67 3 years ago

    Thing is though les if you had to review games like this what methods would you resort to, in order to prevent yourself from going crazy.

  • Wabe #68 3 years ago

    @Les The world is the worse for you being in it.

  • waynenot #69 3 years ago

    Review the game(s) and if you've got a comment that might raise a laugh, stick it in, not the other way round. When you're handing out top scores to games like Fable 2 and GTAIV, you may want to concentrate on what you know about games, rather than trying to be the next* insert flash in the pan comedy show here*.
    Edited by 1 at 26/11/08 @ 23:21

  • Stoatboy #70 3 years ago

    If you're reviewing 2 games that you already know the vast majority of your readership couldn't give a tiny fraction of a flying fuck about you might as well make the review funny because otherwise about six people absolute tops will care one way or another what you write.

    Were you seriously considering buying either of these games before reading the review or are you just here to bitch and moan?

    If a cynical c-list celebrity knock off of either Cooking Mama and Diner Dash is what you're after from video games then you've got bigger problems than finding game review sources you trust/like/agree with IMO.

  • mkreku #71 3 years ago

    "...a bit like those pisspoor Tefal pans I put my name to that are always tipping over because the handles are too heavy."

    HAHAHA! Another poor soul who fell for the hype and bought them! Uh.. or so I heard. Friend of mine. Of course. MOVE ALONG, NOTHING TO SEE HERE.

  • Les #72 3 years ago

    "If you're reviewing 2 games that you already know the vast majority of your readership couldn't give a tiny fraction of a flying fuck about you might as well make the review funny because otherwise about six people absolute tops will care one way or another what you write."

    Alternatives:
    1) Don't review them at all;
    2) Give them a short wrap-up like most DS games.

  • Les #73 3 years ago

    "@Les The world is the worse for you being in it."

    Care to explain? Or do you just in general feel that there should only be people on the planet that you agree with? Rather shallow POV...

  • Stoatboy #74 3 years ago

    @Les: So you'd rather have nothing than a funny review? Why the hell would anyone want less free good content? You could always - youknow - not read it (especially if you weren't even considering buying either of the games anyway).

  • gruntboy #75 3 years ago

    Priceless. Probably the most enjoyable thing I'll read all day. Thanks for making me smile!

  • Garulon #76 3 years ago

    Excellent. I love concept reviews, and these are only topped by Les being an utter cock. Would you like all reviews by a robot Les? Is that how you want games reviews to sound? Like a robot? Like a fucking ROBOT? EH?

  • Les #77 3 years ago

    "You could always - youknow - not read it (especially if you weren't even considering buying either of the games anyway)."

    Like most reviews around here, I didn't 'read' them. Quickly scanning opening sentence and last paragraph was enough of a waste of my time... ;)