We hate you and we want you to suffer.
At least, that is the conclusion you might reach if you were to misread our involvement in this week's MotorStorm Apocalypse Live event, where four scientifically chosen Eurogamer readers will compete for glory (and a holiday and a TV) against readers from other websites and magazines.
Why? Because they will have to submit to varying degrees of what is basically torture in order to do so. And best of all, you will be able to decide the methods of torture that are involved. And we will be broadcasting the entire event live on Eurogamer in video form and everything, on this very page.
They'll be playing MotorStorm Apocalypse against one another, of course, but while they do so you'll be able to vote on Twitter for the types of humiliation they have to endure at the same time. Ideally, being Eurogamer readers, you'll vote for the least horrible scenarios for our brave boys and more heinous stuff for their opponents from other publications. But you know, we're not picky.
The four lucky/unlucky Eurogamer readers set to enjoy this honour/endure this ordeal are AndyK, Jetset_UK, Razz and Ignatius Cheese. Check back here on Thursday night from 18.45 GMT and follow @MotorstormUK to get involved with the torture.
And don't forget you can design a MotorStorm Apocalypse vehicle and get it built in the game by Evolution Studios.
Finally, if you tweet "#Motorstorm Apocalypse Live is coming. Watch live Thursday 18.45 and follow @MotorstormUK to unleash chaos" in the meantime, you're automatically entered into a free prize draw to win a copy of MotorStorm Apocalypse and a t-shirt. Altogether now: amazing scenes.