- Android - £1.88 (Six-level Lite version - Free)
There are many interpretations of the word 'squibble'; my favourite is definitely too unsavoury to repeat here. And yet none of them have anything to do with MassHabit's quirky 2D platformer.
Unusual for being genuinely exclusive to Android (for the moment), it tells the touching tale of one octopus' journey home. Distinctly disadvantaged by his inability to walk, Squibble (for it is he) must latch onto the environment around him and haul ass to the nearest exit while keeping out of the way of nearby hazards and inconsiderate patrolling sentries.
Despite Squibble having eight tentacles, you're only given control of two of them, so you have to manage his movements accordingly, grabbing hold of platforms and walls by touching the point you want to attach to. As an added bonus, you can also twang him into the air before grabbing a nearby platform to halt your descent. You have the option of hoovering up all the collectibles en route and glowing with pride when you reach the exit with 100 per cent.
But while it's all very intuitive and giddily enjoyable in the early stages, you might find, as I did, that the viewpoint is a little too zoomed-in to be able to judge where you're flinging Squibble most of the time. Maybe that's the point, but once the levels become more hazard-strewn and challenging, the red mist starts to descend as you wrestle with the control system. And you wouldn't want that, would you, Mr. expensive HTC handset?
- £0.59 - iPhone
- £1.59 - iPad
Gaijin Entertainment's blood-strewn tale of one man's journey into intense dizziness is the kind of crazed, half-cocked nonsense that people feel compelled to ask you about on buses.
For reasons probably not worth going into on a Monday lunchtime, the knight Richard has been sent forth by King Wilhelm to look for the Holy Grail, but it appears that the entire world has decided to mash him into a bloody pulp. Medieval Smash TV it is, then!
With slaughter firmly on your mind, you spend most of your time swishing a big old mace around by spinning your finger in RSI-inducing circles. When annoying gits start spamming you with magic attacks from afar, you can hold one finger down and shoot them with arrows from the other.
Enemies drop lots of loot for you to dutifully snaffle, and since this is an RPG-flavoured game, you can then use all of that old tat to level yourself up and go out and buy new weapons of extreme justice.
Braveheart is completely mindless yet absorbing, repetitive hack-and-slash fun. Looks great, won't change the world, simple as the Beckhams, but what the hell: absolutely no buyer's remorse – guaranteed!