Sports Champions

What's that you say? Why can't I create my own avatar? Or, you know, perhaps import my character from PlayStation Home, seeing as all these ones look like they were created in there anyway? Good grief, don't be ridiculous. What do you think this is, 2005?

Of course, it wouldn't matter that you can't design your own avatar if the ones in Sports Champions were cool, or stylish, or original, or hip, or anything other than the drearily familiar cardboard cutouts they are. And it would help if they hadn't all leapt straight from the pages of the Bumper Book of Racial and Cultural Stereotypes.

True fact: I have discovered a hidden mini-game in Sports Champions. I like to call it Racial Profiling. The idea is you look at the character and guess what their in-game text profile will say about them, then click to reveal the text and see if you're right.

Now let's see. Black guy wearing do-rag, diamond earrings and a gold chain? That's right, he's a wisecracking basketball player from the streets of New York! Tough-looking black chick with her fists up? Yes, she "learned to fend for herself at a young age" before being taken in by the owner of the local boxing gym, where she "found a home, a family and a purpose"!

At least Sports Champions doesn't discriminate - there are stereotypes of all colours of the rainbow in here. Brazilian Giselle is good at dancing and football. Belle, from Bucharest, was "forced into a state-run gymnastics program from an extremely young age" and "never really developed the normal behaviour and social skills of other girls her age".

Then there's tiny Japanese girl Rin, who is "quiet and serious" and "only accepted this challenge out of a sense of duty". And Tatupu, a giant Samoan gentleman covered in tribal tattoos. He "believes deeply in the spiritual nature of his heritage and preserving island culture", you will be amazed to learn.

Most of the men are hulking great uggos. Most of the women are slender young sexpots who wear shorts so tight they appear to be made out of opaque clingfilm. The exceptions are Jackson, the guy from New York, and Kat, the chick from the gym. He is a slender young sexpot. She is a hulking great uggo.

The problem is not that these stereotypes are offensive. It's that they're dull, and that their inclusion is so predictable. It's disappointing that as far as games have come, for all that talk about cinematic realism and complex narratives and fancy new motion controllers, you still end up playing as a man called Dallas in a cowboy hat.

Presentation is what lets Sports Champions down, and not just when it comes to the characters. The environments appear bland, empty and dated. The music is cheesy and soulless. Even the menu screens feel sparse and unfinished, while the emotionless grey avatar who shows you how to use the Move is weirdly reminiscent of a Midwich cuckoo. On top of this, all you're being presented with is six mini-games, half of which aren't that great.

But it's important not to overlook Sports Champions' redeeming features - the high quality of the better mini-games, and the Move itself. The technology works and this game proves it. The Archery, Table Tennis and Bocce games have real depth and longevity. While the other offerings aren't brilliant, they're not bad.